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The much anticipated movie by James Cameron, “Avatar”,  opened last Thursday all over the world and the buzz  generated before the opening was immense. “Avatar” is, after all,  the first movie that Cameron directs after the much acclaimed “Titanic”, 12 years ago.

One thing is for sure: in 12 years Cameron spent his time in lots of projects but none of those was in a training course called “How to write a good  script”.

Everything about this movie is a bad cliche in what comes to the script: bad guys are after precious  rocks, in some planet after destroying everything on planet Earth; one of them his sent to infiltrate one of the indigenous tribes; guy falls in love; guy turns against the humans that sent him on the first place; EXPLOSIONS; WAR; MASS KILLING;  indigenous win; humans get sent out of the planet; THE END.

To start with, the movie takes place in a planet called “Pandora“, where all living things are connected. If Cameron had made some research he would know, immediately,  that Pandora isn’t  really a good name for a planet: Pandora, according to the Greek mythology, was the first woman created by Zeus to punish Men and is described in Homer’s “Iliad” as a “beautiful evil“. You read that right, evil and no, that Homer is not Homer Simpson.

As for the story “Avatar” has more plot holes than the body of an alien monster,  after being shot by angry humans and science fiction fans are not too keen on plot holes: everything has to make sense (its not by accident that there are whole books dedicated to the physics of Star Trek). The first time you see an indigenous character you are led to believe that the species is highly sensitive to light (she puts out a burning stick and protects her eyes from the flames’ light before she does) but much to my surprise, on the next day, the sun shines and the same character is flying a alien bird (think a mix of Harry Potter’s Phoenix with Jurassic Park’s Pterodactyls). Actually the yellow color of the alien’s eyes would make it more sensitive to the sun light but, as with everything in this movie, nothing makes sense and little is explained.

But it doesn’t stop here: In a time and age where Lucky Luke had his famous cigarette removed from all the books, it is quite surprising to see Sigourney Weaver’s character speaking her first line: “Where in the hell is my cigarette?”  and the cigarette being put into her mouth by her laboratory assistant. The truth is that one would expect for that the cigarette to be denied to her , with some sort of message (”Those will kill you” for example), but no such thing. In fact, Sigourney Weaver spends most of the her time on the movie smoking and it doesn’t killer: A bullet does. If you think this is a spoiler don’t fret about it.  The average viewer will understand where the whole movie is heading 15m into it. Cameron is obviously not a smoker himself or he would know that cigarettes are made from a plant called tobacco and wrapped around paper that is made of wood. How are cigarettes are still produced in a planet that has lost all of its vegetation (Earth), beats me.

On one hand you have this very eco-friendly message, a wink to the critics of  those that support the wars that the United States are involved in and,  on the other hand,  you have US 230 million  dollars in production costs alone. If you add to this number, the worldwide marketing costs,  you come close to US 500 million. Is it just me that thinks this is wrong? So much money spent in a movie? And for what? 161 minutes of empty plot, bad dialogues and a message that gets lost in itself.

So, am I saying you shouldn’t go and see it? Absolutely NOT!

“Avatar” is a stunning visual and sound experience. The Digital 3D is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in a movie theater. As soon as you put the very fashionable,  á lá Andy Warhol, 3D glasses and you look to the screen you know you are in for a visual ride like never before: You have depth, focus blur, visual elements that you think you can grab if you just move your hand, the color palette of the movie is beautiful and amazing  and its a visual feast (but expect lots of neons) and, in some scenes, you can almost feel you are inside of the movie. The truth is that “Real 3D” is taken to a whole new level with this movie and this is the only one reason not to miss it. Sound design is also stunning but this should not come as a surprise: after all we are talking about Christopher Boyes, the sound designer behind “Lord of the Rings”, “Pirates of the Caribbean” and “Million Dollar Baby” (among others).

The full use of Digital Dolby Surround’s modern techniques create a whole new dimension that, when put together with the visual experience make “Avatar” a  superb technical achievement.

Confused about this review? So am I.

I like movies that tell me a story, that make me think, movies that surprise me because the plot is so amazingly written and those that give shape to the character actually know how to act: “The Usual suspects” or “Happiness” come immediately to my mind. Half an hour into “Avatar” and I was already nodding my head and I was already pretty bored: Visual and sound effects can surprise me in the first 30m but, after that, there must be more to it than just plants that open and close, colorful birds that fly right at you, golf balls that you think are going to hit you and bad jokes.

A movie is a way to tell a story and “Avatar” is nothing but a bunch of bad ideas badly sewed up together to support a technical wonder. I can only hope that James Cameron takes another 12 years before he directs another movie and, in the meanwhile, takes some time to learn how to write a script. 101 level would do him just fine.

What did YOU think about “Avatar”? Worth watching? Much ado about nothing? Let me know on the comments.

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