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Introduction

We all know it is wrong — however tempting — to speculate on whether Kate Middleton is the right woman for Prince William. How can any of us guess how they are as a couple when all we have to go on is photographs? Clearly it’s unfair to have misgivings about the heir to the throne’s girlfriend when she is the very model of appropriateness — and the fact that we do makes us feel a bit guilty. Which is why Kate’s comments, at a recent polo match, have come as a huge relief. What Kate said, to the writer Kathy Lette, is: “I have to pay attention to every second. I’ll be discussing the game in minute detail later on.” And there you have it. The throwaway line that sums up the problem we knew existed, but couldn’t quite put our finger on: KM is a professional man-pleaser.

It’s obvious now the cat is out of the bag — the carefully chosen outfits (a little flattering, a little demure, never an ugg boots or man-scaring bit of fashion in sight). The diligent study of the prince’s hobbies (remember the shooting lessons), including careful observation of the nuances of polo, although she is allergic to horses. The girlie part-time job that evaporated altogether because Kate needs to be ready to leap into an Issa dress at a moment’s notice and scurry to HRH’s side.

All this would be fine, were it not for the fact that Prince William is surely a bloke looking for a woman to live up to (Laura Linney in John Adams, only younger and good at skiing). And it’s no good for any of us subjects to have a wannabe royal clone in the royal family whose idea of ringing the changes is wearing Spanish riding boots instead of Hunters. We want bright and feisty, a fresh perspective, a sense of humour. Instead, in KM, we have the girl that Country Casuals might hire for its pastel cashmere campaign. A young woman on a mission, who takes her responsibilities too seriously and who has undoubtedly contributed to making William seem ever so slightly short on surprises.

This explains why some of us have been mysteriously despondent since Chelsy and Harry’s break-up. Honestly, I am going to miss Chelsy. That cheeky gap-toothed laugh. Those incongruous blonde locks and bling striding out in the driving Leeds rain. I don’t care if she’s orange. At least she has a personality and sex appeal and her own life and — most important — she was never in any doubt about who was pleasing who in that relationship. Harry had to stay on his toes, and when he fell short of her standards (when he failed to meet her off a flight and left her beating off paparazzi, for example), she let him have it. You wouldn’t catch Chelsy getting shooting lessons to impress her man on the range — she didn’t need to.

Harry may be sad now, but at least he knows he had a girlfriend who cared about him, not playing the good princess. Can William really say the same?

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